I hate myself for this

so... I, like a few other strange book nerds, began reading the twilight series before the movies because the cover and the synopsis on the inside of the front cover intrigued me. And i mean, a good two years or more before the movies... and I, inevitably, as a teenager, fell in love. However, I had a very realistic opinion of my twilight infatuation and I hated myself for loving Edward Cullen. He was everything so typically perfect and Bella was everything so boringly normal that no poor helpless girl could avoid idolizing the whole situation.

Truthfully, NO ONE would stick around with Edward Cullen. He's faar too possessive, he can never let Bella do anything on her own, he's impulsive, he WATCHED her SLEEP for a month before knowing her, and I just don't believe he'd be any heartthrob in real life.

Yet, I continue, as an adult, to read the books, to see the movies, to swoon when Robert Pattinson delivers those tragically romantic lines and to what avail? to further skew my vision of the standards a guy should live up to? No real-life male is going to have 19th century manners, quote renowned and long-dead authors, own nothing but records of classical music, be ever attentive to your every movement, or sparkle in the sunlight!! Twilight is just as bad for men as fashion magazines with flawless models are for women.

What must it have been like in the Garden of Eden when Adam looked at Eve and Eve opened her eyes to Adam and the both of them saw each other as the individuals they are and loved one another without any preconceived expectations? Oh right, it was perfect.

Makes our sad attempts to love each other look pathetic. We give to each other just a little and then wait to receive something in return before giving more. We seek affection for our own self-esteem and forget or neglect to build our partners up. We mistake physical attraction for love. We base attraction on superficial things, understand that mistake, but continue to be shallow.

I believe in love, but I don't know if true love can exist in our world. I think we're just partnering up because we all need a teammate ... do we even understand love? It's really late (for me) and i'm only getting more tired and progressively less coherent and I've gone from twilight to the begininnig of the world and I'm going to bed now. I'm not an anti-love narcissist ... i just have cynical tendancies when I think too much.